growth shunted by legalism

I have been thinking about this a bit..

I feel my spiritual growth has been shunted lately by a deep attachment to legalism..

What if I am being “bad”? What if what I’m reading or studying is too hokey or woo-woo New Age-y nonsense ?

I have come to the conclusion, the same phrase made popular when I was in high school :

it’s just not that deep, bro.

Superficial and flippant-sounding (and still funny to me, honestly) , but it is true:

I overthink. And overthink and overthink and overthink.

My husband and I were doing a couple’s bible study together yesterday and we were instructed to list 4 fears present in our lives.

I told my husband that I was afraid of bypassing my faith, overstepping into the land of heresy.

“I think, maybe,” my husband hesitantly looked me in the eye and then pursed his lips,” you just overthink it.”

Somehow that was earth-shattering. Admittedly, it was also lightly offensive to my tender ego.

It’s just not that deep, bro.

That was his nice, but firm, way of telling me that I read too far into my own situation and mindset.

I know where I stand in my faith. I need to hold firm to it. Quit doubting.

While, undoubtedly, I will be wrong eventually about some of my spiritual stances. However, I vow to never stop learning or searching for truth about God and our spiritual experience.

Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.

Psalm 25:4

I am constantly learning. I need not be so tightly bound to legalism that I close my mind off to other ways of doing things. I don’t discount the Methodist or the Presbyterian as believers just because a few of their ideas disagree with me. In the same way, why am I being so hard on myself?

I still believe in the birth, death, and resurrection of Christ. I believe in the saving, life-changing power of the Cross.

I will continue to search for new insight into the Bible and its teachings, as well as the human spiritual experience.

Following God’s commandments is good. What is not good is excessive adherence to His laws that actually interferes with your spiritual growth. As in, being afraid of new books, new ideas, being afraid of the unknown…

Do not be afraid to read the books or listen to the podcasts. Like all teaching, listen carefully and check the scripture to double check the writer’s message. Be wary. Pray for wisdom. You’ve got this.

Lord, I pray we not be slaves to legalism, but keep our hearts open to the message You may be sending our way. I pray for heavenly wisdom, not earthly wisdom, to fill our hearts and minds. Amen.

joy through pain

Harv finds his zen

Meet Harvey, my shih tzu. He is a year old, and enjoys morning meditation, as you can tell from his mini photo shoot . He also enjoys grunting like a pig when you rub his belly, long drives, and peanut butter off the spoon.

I got Harv when I graduated college, and found myself in a very dark place. Focusing on raising this tiny furball (he used to barely fit in the palm of my hands) helped me focus on something greater than my pain.

Nurturing Harv (baby floof, as I used to call him) helped me focus my eyes and heart on the joys still lingering in my life.

Sometimes, in times of great pain in our lives, it can be helpful to focus your energy outward. I’m not saying we shouldn’t grieve or shouldn’t feel pain; rather, I think we should feel our grief and work through it constructively.

Sometimes that looks like crying into a pillow. Sometimes it looks like helping a friend or a neighbor. For me, it meant raising Harvey.

My prayer for you today is that you find joy through your pain. Despite your pain.

Mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance.

Jude 1:2

Peace and blessing, friends.

quiet the noise

I cannot express the healing that happens when I meditate.

I believe we need more quiet, more times of tranquility in our lives.

I encourage you to take 5, 10, 15 minutes to just slow down.

Find a comfy seat.

Find a YouTube video or a Spotify playlist with calm beats or instrumental music.

And just breathe.

Breathe deeply, in and out.

Take a seat as the observer of your thoughts. Don’t judge them, but just recognize how you feel.

Embrace them, then let them go, and focus on your breath.

Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.

Continue until the end of your practice.

Give your spirit some rest and love today.

He who sets the captives free

My prayer for you today is that you release whatever is weighing you down.

Today, I release anxiety. The last year has been an incredibly difficult journey, as I experienced panic attacks and irrational, intrusive thoughts and rumination. Oftentimes, I have felt the person staring back at me in the mirror was not a reflection of my true self.

Today, my mind threatens to fall into the same trap of irrational thinking and rumination. My chest feels tight and my breath quickens. My mind turns thoughts over and over, until my vision is clouded with catastrophic outcomes.

I pray God liberates me from these chains.

I pray God liberates you from your chains.

Lord, today, I pray for everyone reading this to be free from that which binds them. Set the captives free, Lord. Rescue us from evil, from that which does not glorify You. I pray for healing, I pray for a renewed spirit. I pray for peace, joy, and comfort. You are the only answer, God.

Amen.

pray and do

Maybe you’re like me. You get so caught up in praying for things to happen..you often don’t make them happen.

Eek, do I smell heresy?

No, friends. Do not hear what I am not saying. I definitely believe prayer is powerful.

God can make some truly amazing things possible with prayer. Ultimately, God has the power over what happens in our lives. But while prayer is integral, there are also times that I believe God is pushing us to pray, but also take that first step of faith.

I have been reading a book called Sun Stand Still, and it mentioned the story of Joshua, eager to defeat the Amorites. He prayed that the Lord make the sun stand still, so they had daylight to defeat the enemy.

Joshua took a step of faith, and continued marching all night. Sure enough, God made the sun stand still. And just as God had promised, they found victory over the enemy.

I believe that we are called to pray, but also take a step of faith. That doesn’t mean we should just pray “Lord give me a million dollars tomorrow,” and go blow your last paycheck at the casino tonight.

I believe it means taking a step that is in alignment with Godly values. Is it something pleasing to the Lord, or is it something coming from a selfish desire?

A favorite line from this book is:

“If you’re going to have the audacity to ask God for something, you’d better be ready to act. Audacious prayer must be tethered to practical obedience.” –Sun Stand Still

To tie it together Biblically:

Faith, by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. –James 2:17

Joshua marched all night. Joshua didn’t just wait for a miracle, he applied himself physically and mentally.

“Joshua’s big prayer wasn’t a cop-out. He didn’t ask God to make the sun stand still while kneeling in the comfort of his tent. He did it on his feet after an all-night march. “-Sun Stand Still (Steven Furtick)

Are you convinced, yet?

My second takeaway from this idea, and from this book is ensuring that you are seeking Godly counsel. Speaking to other trusted believers about your action or step is another way to gain insight on whether your move is God-centered, not self-centered.

Overall, I believe prayer and action are equally important to our Christian lives. In fact, I would say they are intrinsically tied.

So pray. Pray and be ready to do. Take a step in faith towards what you believe you are being called to do.

What do you guys think? Is prayer with action important?

you might need to hear this scripture today (I did):

“For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭7:19-25‬ ‭‬‬

What are you struggling with today? I am struggling with the war between what are God-driven dreams or selfish ambition. My flesh and my spirit. Let’s confess our sins and lift one another up today.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

– James 5:16

God heals (but medicine helps too)

God heals, but medicine helps too.

I wrote a post last year detailing how I was navigating my anxiety. I listed several tips that had helped me, and my own anecdotal account of overcoming.
Friends. The storm was far from over. In the past year of my life, I have experienced the worst anxiety of my entire life. I have been on many mountaintops, and in many valleys. The beast I thought I had finally conquered disappeared, only to reappear with a vengeance, and twice as strong.

Suddenly I found myself plagued by even more symptoms:

• Heart racing
• Twitching of my extremities
• Chest tightness
• Inability to focus
• Feeling unsafe in normal situations
• Shallow breath
• Wild, fluctuating emotions
• Feelings of impending doom
• Catastrophic thinking
• Literally feeling like I might be crazy.

Yes, I literally thought I was going crazy.

I talked to my doctor, and she mentioned how the past year of my life has been full of heavy life stressors. I graduated university, I got married, I moved, I got a new dog, a friend of mine died in a horribly violent way, my brother suffered a medical crisis,  several classmates and an old coworker died…

This year has been full of joy, but also full of grief and the unknown.

It has been one beautiful disaster. 

No wonder I was such a mess. However, Ii was difficult for me to seek help. After all, I prayed a lot. I read my Bible. I attended Bible studies. How was I not getting better, when I was working so hard on my spiritual life? I felt like I was working so hard, only to get pushed back by life’s pain.

My preacher taught a sermon on pain, specifically magnified in the life of Joseph.

Joseph was, undeniably, a man of God. Yet, despite being so close to the LORD, Joseph found himself sold into slavery, even thrown into jail for a crime he did not commit.

Why did a man after God’s own heart have to suffer so much? My preacher mentioned that, sometimes, pain comes when you are doing the right thing. When you are hard at work, so is the devil.

“When you follow God, you will experience pushback.”

And man, was I feeling the pushback.

Obviously, this is not meant to brag.  Romans 3:23 says it best: ^“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”  I did not mean to paint the picture that I am some flawless, sinless saint, but to rather paint you a picture of my life and why I was so discouraged.

Surprisingly, part of healing my pain and dealing with my anxiety was breaking down the barriers of seeking medical treatment. A friend told me “You would not judge a diabetic for seeking insulin, why do you judge yourself?” I had to swallow my pride, and help myself realize this was not a sign of defeat.

The sign of defeat would be yielding to the idea that “this is just how I am.” Admitting defeat would mean I would continue to live in my misery and let the anxiety wreak havoc on my friendships and relationship. 

So here I am. “Joining the hordes of the medicated,” as I initially said glumly to my best friend. Trying to open myself to the idea of therapy, and erase my cynicism at the whole process.

I believe God uses medicine for those with physical ailments. I thought I believed God used medicine for those with mental ailments too.  Little did I know, the stigma of mental health treatment still lingered in my mind, buried underneath claims of “Oh, it’s not that bad.” and “I can deal with it, don’t worry.”

I was putting so much stock into what I could do to fix my problem, on my own strength. Who knew giving up and giving it to God meant parking myself in a chair in the waiting room of a medical clinic?

I guess the point of my long-winded message to you today is this:

God can use other people, circumstances, even medicine, to help heal you. 

Sometimes giving it to God means trusting in His strength at work in other people. 

“I can do all [things] through Him who gives me strength.” – Philipians 4:13

This whole time, you thought it just applied to you, right?

Peace and blessings, friends.

 

 

coffee stains

We all have coffee stains in our storybooks.

We all have little moments in history that feel to be a dark blot on our storyline, something we may wish we could erase or forget. But there it remains, a stain on our otherwise perfectly crisp, clean pages.

However, we forget that everyone has coffee stains in their lives. Everyone has been through a dark time in their life, or been dealt a bad hand. We all experience a part of life less than memorable. However, like a coffee spill on a blank page, these stains can even be aromatic, familiar to loved ones who have went through or experienced something similar. Sometimes it makes us more relatable, more human.

Some people call it baggage, but I refuse to own that label. I believe that, in this life, everything we do or experience shapes us in some way, and those little coffee stains are what make us our little storybooks unique.

We shouldn’t attempt to hide or downplay these moments in life. These moments in life don’t define you, they are merely part of the plot line that led your life. We can choose to grow through them or attempt to hide them away.

Own your coffee stains. Everybody’s got em.

tiny adventures

The Hamptons. Cruises in the Atlantic. Hikes in Machu Picchu.

It must be nice to vacation at an expensive, extravagant destination, right? I have never been to any of those, and they sound pretty luxurious. I will also probably never make it to any of those destinations, as there are only cobwebs in my wallet.

However, I believe it is important to have a little vacation, occasionally. In fact, I like to call them tiny adventures. Especially when life starts to feel a little stagnant, I believe it is important to do little things to add a sense of momentum or novelty to our day. Sometimes we just need to stir the pot a little.

I took a tiny adventure today. I went driving through the backroads near my house. It was not a long drive by any stretch, as my gas light was starting to threaten to blink orange, and the clouds threatened rain. However, on this drive, as I blared my music (it was “I Said Hi,” by Amy Shark, and super empowering, by the way) and felt my fingers trace the wind, I felt my soul rejuvenate a little. Lately, life has been a little dim, that’s no lie. But today I caught that little glimmer of sun, the little glimmer of hope for things on the horizon.

Because today I got to pause, and take in the world in a unique way. There were rows of corn I had never seen before, tucked away neatly into the local wildlife, there were rolling hills that had bypassed my eye. Lush greens, gurgling, bubbling creeks. All right up under my nose. Between the cracks in the dismal tedium of my every day, I found new life. My soul found new life blood in a tiny adventure.

When is the last time you took a tiny adventure? What can you do that is cheap, free, or breaks the monotony of routine for just a moment? I encourage you guys to break the routine, try something. Rejuvenate your soul with a tiny adventure.

hope

I wish I could escape it. This dark night. Everywhere I turn, shadow, shadow, shadow.. dark figures are my only friends in this ghost town. Like clockwork, the Moon dawns again, his bright luminescence glowering coldly over this recurring nightmare. Again he circles, over and over, and I wonder where he goes for the brief moment he disappears beyond the horizon.

I have a secret. Every morning, I wake, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Sun. She’s beautiful, Her shimmering hair crowning Her bronzed and powerful complexion. Deep within me I know She has hidden power, a mysterious and golden goddess whose long absence has yet to be explained. I caught Her, just once, peaking between clouds, stealing a furtive glance, then chased away by a horde of marching burning, angry stars. It didn’t always used to be this way. There is a memory folded neatly between the paper walls of my mind, back when She ruled the summer, when Southern humidity, was the only condensation wetting my face. I remember Sunshine, how it felt encompassing my skin, Her kiss dispersing even the darkest shadows of my heart. I remember Sunrise and Sunset, the sky blooming cherry red, creamsicle orange, sometimes blessed with swaths of imperial purple … It has been years, but I hold those hazy summers close to my heart. There is a Feeling tucked away somewhere, camouflaged in the depths of my memory. It is only a flicker, but radiates white gold. I reach out in dreams to touch it, but as familiar as it appears, it dissipates into the space between my head and the pillow. I know this Feeling is what I need, somehow my gut knows this alone can unlock the prison of eternal night. This Feeling holds the key.

Subsequently, every morning I rise from my bed, and slip on my shoes. My dreams echo the Feeling, propelling me to the window. So I pull back the curtain, and look for the Sun.